Born a Baptist
Subject: Born a Baptist
Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and
cook a venison steak. But all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic, and
since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday. The
delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a
problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their
priest.
The Priest came to visit Bubba and suggested that he become a Catholic.
After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass. As the priest
sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist, and
raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."
Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and
the wonderful aroma of grilled venison again filled the neighborhood.
The Priest was called by the neighbors and as he rushed into Bubba's
yard clutching a rosary preparing to scold him, he stopped and watched
in amazement.
There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he
carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanting: "You wuz born a
deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."
Friday, August 1, 2008
Is This A Great Barnyard or What???
Is This A Great Barnyard or What???
Once upon a time, on a farm in North Carolina, there was a Little Red Republican Hen who scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered quite a few grains of wheat.
She called all of her Democrat neighbors together and said, 'If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat. Who will help me plant it?'
'Not I,' said the Democrat. cow.
'Not I,' said the Democrat. duck.
'Not I,' said the Democrat. pig.
'Not I,' said the Democrat. goose.
'Then I will do it by myself,' said the little red Rep. hen, and so she did. The wheat grew very tall and ripened into golden grain.
'Who will help me reap my wheat?' asked the little red Rep. hen.
'Not I,' said the Democrat.duck.
'Out of my classification,' said the Democrat. pig.
'I'd lose my seniority,' said the Democrat. cow.
'I'd lose my unemployment compensation,' said the Democrat. goose.
'Then I will do it by myself,' said the little red hen, and so she did.
At last it came time to bake the bread.
'Who will help me bake the bread?' asked the little red hen.
'That would be overtime for me,' said the cow.
'I'd lose my welfare benefits,' said the duck.
'I'm a dropout and never learned how,' said the pig.
'If I'm to be the only helper, that's discrimination,' said the goose.
'Then I will do it by myself,' said the little red hen.
She baked five loaves and held them up for all of her neighbors to see. They wanted some and, in fact, demanded a share. But the little red hen said, 'No, I shall eat all five loaves.'
'Excess profits!' cried the cow. (Nancy Pelosi)
'Capitalist leech!' screamed the duck. (Barbara Boxer)
'I demand equal rights!' yelled the goose. (Jesse Jackson)
The pig just grunted in disdain. (Ted Kennedy)
And they all painted 'Unfair!' picket signs and marched around and around the little red hen, shouting obscenities.
Then a government agent came. He said to the little red hen,
'You must not be so greedy.'
'But I earned the bread,' said the little red hen.
'Exactly,' said the agent. 'That is what makes our free enterprise system so wonderful. Anyone in the barnyard can earn as much as he wants. But under our modern government regulations, the productive workers must divide the fruits of their labor with those who are lazy and idle.'
And they all lived happily ever after, including the little red hen, who smiled and clucked, 'I am grateful, for now I truly understand.'
But her neighbors became quite disappointed in her. She never again baked bread because she joined the 'party' and got her bread free. And all the Democrats smiled. 'Fairness' had been established. Individual initiative had died, but nobody noticed; perhaps no one cared...so long as there was free bread that 'the rich' were paying for.
Nancy Pelosi wants to increase the taxes on the 'wealthy' by 40% and tax all the savings (401k, Roth IRA, et.al.) on those of us who were smart enough to save and who worked hard enough that we could. Even worse, she wants to 'GIVE' all the money she takes from those who worked so hard, to the 'illegals and those on welfare in the U.S., so they can have a good life'. Hummmmm, does that sound like the story we just heard or what?
Barack Obama agrees 100% with Nancy Pelosi's large TAX plan and also wants to take more money from those who have worked all their lives, so they can use it to pay for health care for those who have not worked hard or didn't save. He also doesn't want us to become self-sufficient in energy production (Democrats have prevented us from drilling for oil and natural gas on U.S. soil or off U.S. shores for about 25 years), doesn't want us to build refineries, doesn't want us to build nuclear energy plants, and doesn't want windmills in key Dem. areas of the U.S. ,BUT, doesn't have a plan to help our energy problems.
Bill Clinton is getting $12 million for his memoirs.
Hillary got $8 million for hers. That's $20 million for the memories from two people, who for eight years repeatedly testified, under oath, that they couldn't remember anything.
IS THIS A GREAT BARNYARD OR WHAT? Yeah. If you can avoid stepping in the crap.
Once upon a time, on a farm in North Carolina, there was a Little Red Republican Hen who scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered quite a few grains of wheat.
She called all of her Democrat neighbors together and said, 'If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat. Who will help me plant it?'
'Not I,' said the Democrat. cow.
'Not I,' said the Democrat. duck.
'Not I,' said the Democrat. pig.
'Not I,' said the Democrat. goose.
'Then I will do it by myself,' said the little red Rep. hen, and so she did. The wheat grew very tall and ripened into golden grain.
'Who will help me reap my wheat?' asked the little red Rep. hen.
'Not I,' said the Democrat.duck.
'Out of my classification,' said the Democrat. pig.
'I'd lose my seniority,' said the Democrat. cow.
'I'd lose my unemployment compensation,' said the Democrat. goose.
'Then I will do it by myself,' said the little red hen, and so she did.
At last it came time to bake the bread.
'Who will help me bake the bread?' asked the little red hen.
'That would be overtime for me,' said the cow.
'I'd lose my welfare benefits,' said the duck.
'I'm a dropout and never learned how,' said the pig.
'If I'm to be the only helper, that's discrimination,' said the goose.
'Then I will do it by myself,' said the little red hen.
She baked five loaves and held them up for all of her neighbors to see. They wanted some and, in fact, demanded a share. But the little red hen said, 'No, I shall eat all five loaves.'
'Excess profits!' cried the cow. (Nancy Pelosi)
'Capitalist leech!' screamed the duck. (Barbara Boxer)
'I demand equal rights!' yelled the goose. (Jesse Jackson)
The pig just grunted in disdain. (Ted Kennedy)
And they all painted 'Unfair!' picket signs and marched around and around the little red hen, shouting obscenities.
Then a government agent came. He said to the little red hen,
'You must not be so greedy.'
'But I earned the bread,' said the little red hen.
'Exactly,' said the agent. 'That is what makes our free enterprise system so wonderful. Anyone in the barnyard can earn as much as he wants. But under our modern government regulations, the productive workers must divide the fruits of their labor with those who are lazy and idle.'
And they all lived happily ever after, including the little red hen, who smiled and clucked, 'I am grateful, for now I truly understand.'
But her neighbors became quite disappointed in her. She never again baked bread because she joined the 'party' and got her bread free. And all the Democrats smiled. 'Fairness' had been established. Individual initiative had died, but nobody noticed; perhaps no one cared...so long as there was free bread that 'the rich' were paying for.
Nancy Pelosi wants to increase the taxes on the 'wealthy' by 40% and tax all the savings (401k, Roth IRA, et.al.) on those of us who were smart enough to save and who worked hard enough that we could. Even worse, she wants to 'GIVE' all the money she takes from those who worked so hard, to the 'illegals and those on welfare in the U.S., so they can have a good life'. Hummmmm, does that sound like the story we just heard or what?
Barack Obama agrees 100% with Nancy Pelosi's large TAX plan and also wants to take more money from those who have worked all their lives, so they can use it to pay for health care for those who have not worked hard or didn't save. He also doesn't want us to become self-sufficient in energy production (Democrats have prevented us from drilling for oil and natural gas on U.S. soil or off U.S. shores for about 25 years), doesn't want us to build refineries, doesn't want us to build nuclear energy plants, and doesn't want windmills in key Dem. areas of the U.S. ,BUT, doesn't have a plan to help our energy problems.
Bill Clinton is getting $12 million for his memoirs.
Hillary got $8 million for hers. That's $20 million for the memories from two people, who for eight years repeatedly testified, under oath, that they couldn't remember anything.
IS THIS A GREAT BARNYARD OR WHAT? Yeah. If you can avoid stepping in the crap.
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